I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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