I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
