Jerry, you need to find god
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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