she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
