Umm I'm too high to move.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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