I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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