Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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