you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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