just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ttyl tear gas
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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