Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
