Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
