I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize