Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
