It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
