How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
