You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
