sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
