Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
