I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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