I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
