I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I could make wine with my vomit
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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