So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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