I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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