I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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