Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
