i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I puked a lego.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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