Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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