whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize