You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sext me about skeletons
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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