Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
