My liver just broke up with me...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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