This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
