If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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