i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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