I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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