Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
