the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
