i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
