I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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