Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
