so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish you could order shots online.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
