im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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