we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
