Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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