i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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