If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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