Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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