just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
