Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
