HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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