your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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