Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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