tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
