Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i barfeds in our rink
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
