I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
