I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
