booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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