If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore