just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"