Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I cockslap morals

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  (917): I cockslap morals http://tfl.nu/zqeh
  Replies (5) Good night (3078) Bad night (538)
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  (858): View more from California

  When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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  (858): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass http://tfl.nu/zzr1
  Replies (19) Good night (3251) Bad night (771)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise

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  (216): Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise http://tfl.nu/eify
  Replies (37) Good night (4732) Bad night (509)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.

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  (708): I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event. http://tfl.nu/286m
  Replies (6) Good night (3587) Bad night (514)
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  (626): View more from California

  You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

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  (626): You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I. http://tfl.nu/6sde
  Replies (9) Good night (6932) Bad night (825)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

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  (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect. http://tfl.nu/17qr
  Replies (23) Good night (6281) Bad night (655)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16625) Bad night (1414)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

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  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (5061) Bad night (1700)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  and by single i mean slutty

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  (623): just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single. (623): and by single i mean slutty http://tfl.nu/aczn
  Replies (12) Good night (3507) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.

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  (319): I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can. http://tfl.nu/h4v8
  Replies (4) Good night (1600) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection

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  (530): Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection http://tfl.nu/e8qx
  Replies (24) Good night (1142) Bad night (5770)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.

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  (302): This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/72c6
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?

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  (678): Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night? http://tfl.nu/tvyx
  Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.

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  (616): do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling. http://tfl.nu/qcnf
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"

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  (334): Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning" http://tfl.nu/rbo4
  Replies (1) Good night (333) Bad night (218)

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