you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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