"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.