btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.