at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's shark week go big or go home
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend