I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
