Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you. Go after that dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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