don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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