when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize