How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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