Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
