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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
