friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
