he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
