I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
