Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
