Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
