maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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