singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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