sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
