I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
farters have to be the big spoon...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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