this just has baby written all over it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
