Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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