Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.