I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
