im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.