the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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