He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
