Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
