i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
