wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
