Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
